What is the meaning in a dream of load

I kissed my boyfriend s brother in front of loads of people

I was living in a house with a family. They had 3 sons. One day these boys got a toy gun for a present. Obviously as kids do , they started playing with it. One of the brothers pulled the trigger and it turned out that it wasn't a toy gun , but a real loaded gun. He shot his brother who died on the scene. Instead of throwing or selling the gun , the parents just hid it on the top of the wardrobe so the 2 sons wouldn't be able to reach it. But some time later one of the sons saw the gun sticking up from the top of the wardrobe and managed to get it down. He must've thought again that it was a toy because he started to play with it again. He pointed the trigger at himself and pulled. He too has died instantly. The parents and I were devastated because there used to be 3 boys but now there was only one. I remember then seeing the dad sitting on the couch crying and spinning the gun in his hands. I started screaming and telling him to put the gun down so that nothing bad happens. But he was too devastated to hear me. He accidentally pulled the trigger and shot the last son. The dream ended with me screaming over his dead body

So I dreamed that I was getting ready to go to a party, for some reason I even "packed" for it and left home. When I got there, I heard that many people had left and when I went upstairs, the whole floor was glowing red. 6-7 elderly men were sitting right by the stairs, they looked dark and were drinking. When I passed by, there was a huge mattress on the floor behind them, and a dozen people were lying on it. I stood next to them and looked at them and suddenly my boyfriend appeared who was lying on the mattress all the time, he was covered for a short time but I saw that he was naked together with all the people who were lying there. I recognized the girl he was with and started to argue with the boy, but he didn't seem to care, he didn't care. Crying, I started to pack and leave that place. When I got out, I was relieved, I started to go back to some small "island" surrounded by a lake, I associate it with my cottage on the lake that I have. When I swam across the water and climbed to the island, I saw 5 "guards" walking around it and it was much easier for me, I felt like I knew that they were watching over me and waiting for me to come back. Then I threw all those things I was carrying, that "burden" on the ground because I knew I was safe together with those bags I was carrying. As soon as I threw that load on the ground, I suddenly flew towards "my" house, which was not far from there. In the end, I tried to enter the house through the window on the second floor, which was open, but its blinds were too low, so I entered the terrace door, which was also open, but the blinds were raised higher, all this while I was flying .... When I woke up, I thought about that dream, how I felt safe, confident and happy when I left my boyfriend and came to my "home", which looked like a fantasy, along with the island it was on.