What is the meaning in a dream of garbage

Hello. I dreamed my best friend having in her hands a bag with heads of fishes. She wanted to put them at the garbage.

I was at the pier in st Augustine with my ex crush that I still like but we saw like all of this garbage but it was like broken toys and water guns and just old kids stuff pretty much and didn’t think anything of it and we left and then I went back a little later by myself and I was picking up the garbage and this scary man came up and picked up one of the water guns but then it all of a sudden was a real gun so I hid behind a concrete post but he could see me so I kept ducking to hide and he was talking to himself so he was distracted and forgot I was there and then I saw my different ex boyfriend from a distance walking towards me and I waved at him to stop him and the man heard him coming so he started yelling at me and then Holden turned into a cop and was trying to get him to drop the gun and telling me sneak away slowly and then I heard a gun shot and I woke up and I was terrified cause I don’t know who got shot

I killed my entire family. My mother father grandmother. But not my grandpa. And i feel it to be normal. Because I do this in online games ( i do never play online games in reality) . I ran away , live shabby life, and garbage work. I want to kill myself in my dream now. I am finding ways to kill myself and in fear I woke up.