Understand My Dreams

Dreams Forgive

I am outside a school where I used to work, i was happy there but got pushed out by 3 teachers . i am outside on the playing/sports fields, a friend ie there who i feel betrayed by, i had to let go of her as she could have been dangerous for my head. She didn’t realise she was being used to hurt me. a lot of water has passed under the bridge and so i have forgiven her. i see her with two butch type females and one has a tattoo around the top of her arm i am concerned for and don’t think she can be happy. i ask to speak to her in private away from the others, we go to a small part where there are a couple of small bushes growing or shrubs. I tell her that I am her friend and that she can trust me, i ask her if she's happy and she says yes but i don’t think she can be as i remember when she used to have big crushes on film stars. i hug her to show her i care. i am surprised its as if she’s naked. i can feel her breasts high against my body and she feels so beautiful i never want to let her go. i didn’t think i could feel that way about someone of the same sex. She would be much happier with me. Next i see a teacher and he's marching two boys off the field i think they will be sent to the head master for smoking.

I am outside a middle school in my home town. I am on the playing fields i see a friend there i feel betrayed by . i have forgiven her as a lot of water has passed under the bridge. I see her with two butch type females and one has a tatoo around the top of her arm. I am concerned for and dont think she can be happy. I ask to speak to her in private away from the others. we go to a part where there are a couple of small bushes growing or shrubs. I ask her if she`s happy, I want to reassure her that I am her friend, I tell her I care for her and that she can trust me. I hug her to show her how much I care for her. I ask her if she's happy and she says yes but i dont think she can be. I remeber when she used to have big crushes on stars. I think she would be happier with me than with the butch types. I am surprised its as if she isnt wearing any clothes its as if she's naked. I can feel her breasts high against my body and she feels so beautiful I never want to let her go. Next I see a teacher and he's marching two boys off the field for smoking. I think they will be sent to the head master.

I show up at my job. Both my wrists are cut and bleeding. I make my way to the manager’s office and there I see Joe and Dianne. As I reveal my bleeding wrists I tell them, "Thank you for making it so clear to me that this is what life is like and will always be like. Thank you for making it so clear that I can't keep living my life like this." As my sobs and tears increase both Joe and Dianne just stood there and did nothing. Then in burst the meat manager Sammy and Tony who also works in Meat. Both of them confronted Joe and Dianne. Sammy punched Joe twice on the face yelling at him and asking him why the hell he hasn’t called the ambulance or even tried to help me his ‘adopted daughter,’ and Tony was yelling and cursing at Dianne asking her the same thing apart from the adopted daughter part. While they were doing this before I could collapse from the loss of blood; the produce manager and closest friend that I have at Safeway came in a lifted me into his arms. As I looked up at him my eyes growing heavy, I knew that anyone who looked into my eyes could see that they were dead, that I had already giving up on life. As I looked up towards his face I was shocked for there I saw tears in his eyes that were threatening to fall. His face filled with concern, worry, heartbreak, and anger. He carried me to his car and drove me to the Hospital. Before arriving at the hospital I said to Chris in a weak whisper, "Please forgive me Chris. I know that I told you that I would try but I just can’t take this anymore. I know that you must hate me and are upset that this is what I have chosen but please know and understand that I am finally at peace and finally free." As we pull up to the hospital he turns his head in my direction and says in a soothing and worried voice, "Don’t you dare talk that way Danielle. Don't you dare give up. Don’t you know how many people will be crushed to have lost you? I know that I will be grieving beyond belief. You matter Danielle and are love by so many people. Don’t throw that away because Safeway is treating you like shit, but that doesn’t mean that you need to allow yourself to give up on your life and all that you will be missing out on. Please don’t," He then comes over to the passenger side door lifts me into his arms and says with such sincerity that I have never heard him use, “Don’t give up on life. You will be greatly missed by so many, and you will undoubtedly will be greatly missed by me.” He then kisses me gently on the forehead and then runs in as fast as he can while carrying me. As we enter he calls for help and we are surrounded but before I pass out and hope I am finally dead and at peace, I see his haunting tear streaked face drilled and captured in my mind and the last thing I see. The crushed, worried, concerned, grieving, angry, and a hint of love, all emotions written on Chris’s face as my eyes close and I feel death coming most of me wanting it to come now, but the image of Chris making a small part of me hoping for life to give me a second chance. That is when I wake up from this dream/ nightmare.

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