Understand My Dreams

Dreams brain

My friend and sorority sister from college passed away 7 years ago from brain cancer. She came back to visit me in my dream. We were at my parents house, where she had never been. She was talking to me about the other side in a very positive way. My husband was with her husband and when they got back to the house she was gone. I was crying because her husband didn't get to see her and I woke up to my alarm at the same time my husband was saying I love you.

I am about to wake up. I hear my alarm and reach to turn it off but I can’t move. I can’t even open my eyes. I realize I’m paralyzed and I try in vain to scream for help but I can’t make a sound. My head feels foggy and unfocused, like I’m of no substance. My body feels like an iron prison and my consciousness is struggling against it, trying to get the two to connect and move and free me. It’s as if my brain is trapped by my body. I can think properly and flutter my eyelids a bit but otherwise I cannot move. It terrifies me and I scream a silent, mental scream. No one even knows I’m screaming but me. When I finish screaming, I try to calm down and relax, thinking that maybe my paralysis will end when my struggling does. I wait, consciousness still, for what feels like forever. I try to move again to no avail. I remember in a nightmare I had when I was younger, I squeezed my eyes shut and was able to wake myself up. I decide to try that again. I focus on my eyes, squeeze them shut, and open. Nothing. Again. Again. I can’t move. I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can, and open them. This time I actually wake up.

You, in the schoolyard I am ready to kill and no one here knows of my loneliness Red welts on white skin I hurt you and you cry loudly Now you are scared and I am ready my black blood soils your dress Your white flesh excites me so I am just a gigolo your white flesh enlightens me My black blood and your white flesh I get hornier and hornier from your screams the cold sweat on your white forehead hails into my sick brain Your white flesh excites me so I am just a gigolo my father was exactly like me your white flesh enlightens me Now you are scared and I am ready my sick existence cries for redemption your white flesh becomes my scaffold * in my heaven there is no god Your white flesh excites me so I am just a gigolo your white flesh enlightens me my father was exactly like me your white flesh excites me so I am just a sad gigolo your white flesh enlightens me

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