Understand My Dreams

Dreams rust

Dreams of the light Who was there Me My Dad My Mom Where At the yellow house in Catawissa, Pennsylvania We were using an extension cord for electricity from a close neighbor. My dad said here, take this and plug it in…. I said we have free electricity? Then I follow the long cord from the blue living room all the way to the wood room and into the loft. It was dark because there were only electricity lights on in the blue living room. I then saw all the lights come on shortly after I entered the loft and said to my mom, hey we got power now! I suddenly was at my aunt Donna's place alone in my cousin's room and then I was in a rush to go to the bathroom….I saw a building with a post office but it was closed so I parked outside a store and was late frustrated that I needed to get in the building. Then a few strangers yell that it's open. The post office building is a deterrent but this one is open. I was in dismay and unsure but I said thank you and weirdly walked to enter. When I did the whole place was covered in feces and urine overflowing vomit snot and any other repulsive human liquid including blood pus and mucus seeping out the clogged urinals and toilets even sinks. I seldom took breaths as it was unbearable. I was in the shopping store for groceries and overnight workers were helping me find items because they were closing and I was the last one and they wanted me to finish and go home.

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I had a dream last night. In there, my high school crush, who is kneeling with her hands on her laps and is shorter than me at 155 cm, and I, 166 cm tall, are sitting opposite each other on a bed, naked - we are 18 years old. She tells me that she is not afraid to have sex with me and asks me if I am afraid of fulfilling my first time. I used my fingers to stroke her breasts as I answered that I'm not afraid to do it. And then we kissed passionately. We took turns to have sex with each other and my dream ends when my crush is on top of me, panting. She is seaty all over and persistent tries to thrust despite being weary.

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My friend and I, close in age, I was 9, he was 9 or 10. We were playing on the concrete floor of the statue of liberty. The statue of liberty was in shallow water and started to shake. As it began to shake some of the pieces fell off of the statue of liberty, mostly from the crown. When the pieces fell from the statue, they hit the water and disappeared. We were unsure if the water was shallow or if we were actually walking on water, because when the pieces fell they just disappeared or sank, not sure which one. About 2 minutes after the shaking began my friend and I were concerned and went inside. When we went inside, we entered some sort of contraption and it led to some underground tunnels. This contraption was like a square room, with a white floor and gray pipes that ran down the middle. The walls were white cement and on every corner there was a symbol like a square target. My friend and I were looking around when we saw a futuristic man there. He had weird characteristics! He had purple skin and wore a red and blue armored suit, a red and blue biker helmet, and bright yellow glasses. He started chasing us so my friend and I left the contraption were back on the cement floor in the statue of liberty where we first began to play. When we got there , there were 3 people that were our age about 9, 10 or 11 there were five of us 2 girls 3 boys we all agreed to go back in and check it out again but as soon as we got into there we saw the man with some sort of ray gun the ray gun was mostly red but the bottom of the gun was blue and the shooting part of the gun was yellow. This ray gun shot yellow lasers we ran back to the exit just to find the statue of liberty in the middle of the ocean we realized the color of the statue was brown either rusted or it was like an old copper penny. we went back in the statue of liberty and the man started chasing me and attacking me when he finally caught me by my leg then my dream ended

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I was hanging out with Johnathan at the football field again like I did last night, and he and I were getting closer than we’ve been and started talking and Landon and I had gone together because he and I were apparently really close and he left to do something. He finally showed up again and we were just hanging out with him and later he drags me away and pushes me under the bleachers and left me there and im yelling “Landon, you cant leave me here!” And he yelled back “you’ll be fine!” So I yell back to him “you know I can just leave, right?!” And he yells back to me “you’re not allowed to leave yet!” And he walks away. He comes back a few minutes later dragging Johnathan who’s asking where I went and Landon pushes him under the bleachers with me and leaves us. And Johnathan yells at him “Landon, you cant just leave us here!” And Landon yells back “Yeah I can!” And I yell at him “Landon, you cant leave me here!” And he yells back “Yeah I can! You came here with me so yeah I can!” And I just stop and stare at him and turn to Johnathan and look at him to see his reaction. And Landon stops and turns around and yells “Yall cant leave yet so yall stay under there until yall figure out how to settle the tension between the both of yall!” And he leaves us there and Johnathan just stares after him and I look up at Johnathan and he turns to me and stared at me for a minute before he asked “What was that about?” And I shook my head and didnt say anything and walked over to one of the poles holding the bleachers up and leaned against it. He turned to watch where I was going and followed me and stood in front of me. I asked him “You got your vape?” And he nodded and pulled it out. “Can I…” I started before he interrupted me. “You shouldnt but I’ll let you.” He said and he handed me the vape. We just started talking while we vaped and after a few minutes I got tired of vaping and looked at him and asked “Johnathan do you like anyone?” And he just stared at me and stated laughing slightly but said “Uh yeah. I like someone.” So I asked him “Who?” And he said “Cant say.” And I just looked at him and said “Why not?” And he said “Because I cant tell you.” And I asked “Why cant you tell me? It’s not like I can say anything or tell anyone. Why would I? Do you not trust me?” And he looked at me and said “Katie, it’s not that I dont trust you or think you’ll tell anyone, it’s that I’m honestly scared of what you’ll think and say.” I just look up at him and look into his eyes and reach out my hand and touch his shoulder and say “Johnathan, whatever it is, whoever it is, I wont say anything bad about them.” And he looks down at me and walks closer to me and I back up a little and he says “Fine. You wanna know who it is?” And I nod and he says “It’s you, Katie. I like you.” And I stare at him in shock and after a minute I say “Johnathan, why? Why do you like me? Im not pretty, confident, popular, or anything. Im below average height for a fourteen year old. Im underweight for an average fourteen year old. And nobody really likes me….” I start before he interrupts me and says “I do, Katie! I like you! I don’t care that you’re not popular or confident or that you’re below average height or underweight for an average fourteen year old! You’re beautiful Katie! And I like you! Ok?! I like you!” And I just stared at him because with each word he stepped closer to me and I stepped back. I looked at him and said “Johnathan, im not beautiful. Im not. Nobody thinks i am anyway.” He slid his arms around my waist and held me close to him and looked at me and said “You are beautiful, Katie. You are absolutely beautiful. I think you’re beautiful. Whoever doesn’t think you are is just jealous.” And he looked at me and stared into my eyes and leaned down to whisper in my ear and whispered “I really like you Katie.” And I just shook my head and said “Johnathan, no you dont. You think you do but you dont. Nobody likes me. Nobody should like me anyway. Especially you. I just end up hurting the people I love and care about. You dont….” I started but he interrupted me by pushing me against the pole we were leaning against earlier and towering over me and said “I do. I. Like. You. Katie. I like you.” And as he said this his eyes kept flickering from my eyes to my lips and I nodded when I got what he was silently asking. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine softly and then I pressed my lips against his more firmly and he slid his arms around my waist and gripped my hips and I slid my arms around neck and leaned up and he pushed me against the pole more to keep me from falling. When we pulled away for air, we were both panting and he looked down at me and into my eyes and I looked up at him and into his eyes and he said “Katie, I do like you. So please stop saying I dont and that nobody likes you because I like you and you are beautiful. And I want to ask, will you be my girlfriend ?” And I just stare him and nod because im at a loss for words after the kiss. We then hear someone clear their throat and look over and see Landon standing there with an amused but unhappy look. He looks at us and says “That’s not exactly what I had in mind when I said figure out what to do about the tension between yall but it works.” And I blush and hide my face in Johnathan’s chest and he laughs and so does Landon. Johnathan looked down at me and smiled and Landon looked us and looked at Johnathan and said “Yall are cute together but if you hurt her it wont end well!” And Johnathan looked up at him and nodded. Landon walked up to us and hugged me and said he’d be back later and that Johnathan and I could leave from under the bleachers now.

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I dreamt that I discovered I had an adopted brother and sister my entire life, but my parents had never introduced them as that to us so I never realised. It happened really suddenly that I was at home in New Cross, in my room but as an adult, and I think I'd heard some news story about adoption and it had made me think- I wish I had adopted siblings. And all of a sudden it came over me that I did. I'd had an adopted brother this whole time and I had never realised / put 2 and 2 together. I collapsed in tears of joy and sadness at the same time. I ran to where my mum and sister Joanna were tidying away clothes and tried to help and ask questions but I could barely function. My adopted brother was there too - he was a tall, handsome Asian man, very gentle and kind. I asked my mum and dad questions - it turns out they adopted two children, a Polish girl (who was not as close, a difficult adoption it seemed) and this Asian boy, who we had always grown up with and never questioned why. I asked my dad why they never explained to us: "because your mother said you children might not accept / try to sabotage them if you saw them as competition, so decided it was better to not say anything at all." This was classic my parents' approach to parenting- not trusting the kids and keeping their own confidences. I ran away from the room and as I ran I kept collapsing in floods of tears. My whole sense of being and understanding of who I was felt shaken, but I was also overwhelmed with love and affection for this sibling I had never recognised as such. The whole time he was there, quietly and gently present, aware of the emotional roller coaster I was going through and I had hugged him many times in tears already, and apologised for not knowing sooner. I ran upstairs - collapsing in piles of tears alof the way - back to my bedroom where he was in the bed and threw myself into his arms in the darkness and in my tears. I woke up then, not 100% sure if the love I expressed in that moment was more than that for a brother. It was possibly the relief of finding a soul mate. I dreamt this after an argument with my brother who earlier that day said he could not help me / give me advice about my relationship with Ben. I was very hurt and cried a lot - similarly completely overwhelmed / isolated. I felt quite betrayed by him in that moment. He has always been my closest confidante.

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